I need a decorder

I'm an avid Monster Radio RX 93.1 listener, and lately I've been listening to their radio ad about their Valentines event entitled : Color Coded Valentines. The basic premise of this Singles Party is that you wear two baller IDs, each of a specific color. The first kind has these colors: Red means Single and Searching. Blue means heartbroken. Orange means one night only. Green means attatched but willing to cheat. Yellow means it's complicated. Pink means virginal (whatever the hell that's supposed to mean). The second kind involves Black which means Straight. Gray means I don't want to say. And White means Gay.

I'm intrigued and curious as to how the event will transpire, but not enough to actually take part of it. At least not alone. Then again, it's a Singles Night thing where people (desperate or otherwise) go to get hooked up, or a the very least find someone to commiserate their misery with. So it shouldn't be a faux pas to bring a friend (or two, or ten) along.

Which brings me to my little 'issue' as I like to call it. I kinda want to go, but I'm holding out for someone. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're saying, if said person was really interested in pursuing a relationship with me, said person would have already done so.

And it's not as if said individual was torpe, if any I'm the torpe one.

So what's the problem? If said person isn't 'pursuing' me, I should be free to see other people, yeah? The thing of it is, I don't want to see other people. I want that person I'm holding out for. The color-coded event thing makes me want to buy baller IDs in those stated colors, print out a list of their meanings, give them to said person to choose. At least that way I'll definately know where I stand...

Why couldn't life have been simpler? Why couldn't I have had a pre-arranged marriage instead? At least that way I no longer have to worry about finding a husband and getting the relatives off my back.