Maybe

DISCLAIMERS: I don't own Ben 10 or the characters in it. I haven't seen a single episode of the latest Series Ben 10: Alien Force. If any of the characters sound or act out of character, lemme know so I can take this down and keep bad fanfics off the interwebs. Also, I adore the Gwevin fandom XD

Hurting others was easy. It made him feel better about himself. It took his mind off his own problems. It made him feel like he existed, like he mattered. Like he had a place in the world, even if it was as a threat.

Kevin looked down at the orange-skinned alien guard he was pummeling into the floor. He sensed rather than saw his silent partner approach him. He heard the instructions to keep the incoming guards at bay long enough for their transportation to arrive. He snarled his acknowledgement before pausing to inspect his unfortunate victim.

The creature’s left eye stalk had been ripped off while the other was almost sealed shut from the swelling. Yellow-hued blood gushed out of dual-mouths and where a clawed limb had been moments earlier. Its skin was mottled with red bruises and splintered bones peered out in horror at the world outside its body.

Did he like hurting others? Not at first.

In this brief respite, the alien struggled to breathe and fight back. For its effort, it coughed up saffron, flecked with traces of ruby teeth. The blood splattered against Kevin’s massive chest. Only the look of distaste could be seen on the mismatched features of his face.

The razor-toothed sneer would be the last thing the guard would see before a crystalline shard plunged into it. It gave out a resonating cry of agony as it felt Kevin rip off its remaining eye from its stalk. It didn’t think it was possible to feel anymore pain than it was already in.

Kevin of course felt obligated to prove it wrong and seared its vocal chords off.

Eventually, he learned. He learned to take pleasure in their screams of pain, learned to welcome the look of fear and hate in their eyes, learned to be enthralled as he drove a clenched fist into a body.

The doors slid open, revealing a dozen alien guards all armed with various weapons. The corner of Kevin’s lips curled into a manic grin before they widened to a roar. He charged at the guards, taking large swipes with his multiple limbs, disarming them. Literally. Screeches of pain echoed throughout the room only to be drowned out by Kevin’s laughter.

It was easier this way. Giving in to his powerful, misshapen body’s desire to hurt others, he didn’t have to think. He couldn’t afford to think, to doubt, to second guess himself. It made him weak and Kevin would never allow others to think he was weak.

He had to if he was to survive living alone, even as a child growing up in New York. So much so now in a universe filled with aliens who wouldn’t think twice about killing him.

Kevin finally stopped when he heard his transportation arrived. His silent partner had already headed into the ship, slim tendrils wrapped around their prize along with several of the guards’ weapons. An order for Kevin to get on board blasted from the vehicle’s speakers.

He had to learn. Otherwise he’d go mad.

With a casual ease he had come to master, Kevin got to his feet and strode away without so much as looking back at the mangled remnants of the aliens.

Maybe he already was.

-----------------------------

Hurting people was easy. Pushing them away, keeping them at a distance, striking out if they ever got too close. He knew how to do those things quite well. They were familiar, a habit, almost instinctive.

Now-human Kevin was leaning against the hood of his car, a small plastic bag of food and necessities tucked away in the trunk. He was waiting for the Tennyson cousins to finish their supply-run before they would head out to their next destination. Though he knew quite well who among the two would be taking so damn long.

An impatient sigh escaped his lips and he marched past a cluster of teens, discarded beer cans and cigarette butts around their feet, hanging out by the entrance. Kevin paid them no mind; his mind was too busy formulating a warning that if Gwen wouldn’t hurry up, he’d find a way to make her.

When he pulled open the door to the mini-mart, the aforementioned teen came out carrying two large grocery bags. Something told Kevin he should be the one carrying the bulky –if not heavy– things. Arms outstretched, he saw the gratitude in her eyes and found himself remarking “You sure took your sweet time.”

Caring was hard.

A red brow arched and the bags were pulled out of his reach. “Well excuse me, Mister I-don’t-need-to-worry-about-feminine-issues.” Gwen huffed before storming towards the car.

Kevin found himself inwardly cringing at what he had just said. A part of him argued that he just did something that was expected of him. After all, he knew how to push someone’s buttons, knew what to do or say to get a reaction. He knew how to hurt people and he knew how to hurt them badly.

The feeling of Ben’s hand on his shoulder cut into his thoughts.

“It’d be best if you don’t try to make her mad when she’s like this.” The younger teen warned good-naturedly.

Trusting was hard.

“Why? What she gonna do to me? Hurl me into outer space?” Kevin sneered, pulling his shoulder away.

“Let’s just say growing up with a black belt who can do magic has taught me a few things.” Ben chuckled.

“Kevin!” Gwen yelled from the car, arms still laden with her purchases. “Hurry up and unlock the damn trunk!”

And loving?

“Alright, alright! Don’t get your red panties in a knot!” He yelled back.

The loitering teens seemed to find this extremely hilarious, probably due to all the alcohol they had consumed. Even from the entrance Kevin could see Gwen’s cheeks turn a dark shade of crimson. The dark-haired teen hadn’t planned on embarrassing her. He didn’t want to embarrass her or make her any more annoyed at him than she already was.

Several panels of violet energy zipped past the laughing teens’ legs, knocking them off balance and sending them sprawling onto the ground. Gwen stood with one hand outstretch, the other managing to balance the bags on her hip.

“Let’s just go already.” She sighed, looking strangely tired.

Kevin’s stomach twisted into knots as he and Ben hurried over to the car to pack their supplies into the trunk. There was no calling for shotgun or playful jokes on wanting to drive from either of the Tennyson cousins. A heavy silence fell on the trio as they got into the car and drove off.

Gwen was in the backseat, and every so often Kevin would sneak a peek at her in the rear-view mirror. He saw her staring blankly out the window, her usually expressive eyes revealing absolutely nothing. Kevin couldn’t make out what she was thinking, what she was feeling and it frustrated him.

Loving might damn well be impossible.

He was so focused on trying to detect something, anything, that he lost his focus on the road.

“Kevin, watch out!” Ben’s yell snapped Kevin out of his thoughts in time for him to see he was driving on the wrong side of road. And about to collide with an oncoming car. Quickly, he swerved away, the tires shrieking as they clawed at the asphalt.

“What the hell’s wrong with you, Kevin?” Ben gasped, hands practically embossed onto the dashboard.

“You could have killed those people!” Gwen added, leaning back to see what happened to the other car. Thankfully there had been no accident, just several disgruntled drivers honking their horns and shaking their fists angrily at the mustang.

No one was as angrier at Kevin as he himself was. His knuckles paled as he gripped the steering wheel tightly in an attempt to keep calm.

“S-sorry,” Kevin forced himself to say. “I just had something on my mind, that’s all.”

At this, Gwen’s eyes softened considerably. “What, exactly?” She leaned forward as far as her seatbelt would allow without causing discomfort.

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Death by auto-accident isn’t the way I’m going to go.” His tone was snide, defensive. But for all the wrong reasons. For a moment Gwen looked like she was about say something. Instead, she rubbed her temples and leaned back into her seat.

Mentally Kevin berated himself. He had endangered them, more importantly he had endangered her. He always knew he was dangerous to everyone around him, just not in ways he never thought he could be.

Eventually, he’ll learn.

Kevin had traveled with countless aliens whose morals were just as twisted as his was. He had taken many tasks ranging from the dangerous to the suicidal. Never in all that time did he feel the heavy, inexplicable sense of dread brewing in the pit of his stomach.

For the past hour and a half they drove. Ben was busy mapping out their course and Gwen had fallen asleep. Now and again, when Kevin was certain the road was clear, he’d check up on her. He saw her wince ever so slightly that he could have just imagined it.

But when her calm face showed the any discernable hint of pain, Kevin instinctively slammed on the brakes. The sudden stop jarred the red-head from her sleep, not to mention threw Ben forward before his seatbelt yanked him back.

“Gwen what’s going on with you?” Kevin demanded, eyes showing nothing but concern.

“I should ask you the same thing!” Ben growled, rubbing where the seatbelt dug into his skin.

Kevin ignored him, “Gwen, are you hurt?”

He’ll learn to take pleasure in hearing her laughter, learn to welcome the look of longing in her eyes, learn to be enthralled as he presses himself against her body.

Gwen peered groggily at Kevin with nothing more than confusion on her face. “N-no, I’m fine. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“That last fight took more outta you than you’re letting on, didn’t it?” He pressed. Kevin was more than familiar with pain. He knew know what it looked like in all its minute differences. He had inflicted it upon far too many creatures not to.

Even Ben was starting to worry, “Look, Gwen, it’s not something you should be keeping a secret from us. If you’re really hurt we could-”

“I’m fine.” Tersely the words were made, “I just need to rest. That’s all. I’ll be my old self again. I swear.”

Both men were reluctant to believe her.

“I’m not as fragile as you both make me out to be.” An exasperated roll of her eyes wasn’t enough of a confirmation that she was indeed fine. It took a threat of being blasted by an energy beam to convince them.

He’ll have to learn. Otherwise he’ll remain mad.

They started down the road again, this time with Ben eventually falling asleep. The brunette’s soft snoring was the only thing keeping the awkward silence at bay.

“Hey Gwen.” Kevin began, trying to keep his voice steady.

“I already told you I’m fine, Kevin. Do you really need me to blast you to prove it?” Her lips pursed in indignation.

“No, it’s not about that, I just,” He trailed off, hesitation weighing him down.

“Just what?”

“Just that, well, I’m sorry about earlier.”

Again a red brow arched, “You already apologized for almost killing us.”

“N-no, well, yes, but I was talking about earlier earlier.”

“What do you mean earlier earlier.” Amusement glittered in Gwen’s green eyes.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Kevin knew she was playing with him, her eyes were far too easy to read.

“No, really, I don’t.”

This little exchange went on for a while, until finally Kevin gave in. “I’m sorry for being a jerk to you at the mini-mart.”

“Just at the mini-mart?”

Kevin could hear her teasing smile as she spoke and he chuckled in return. “Yeah, just for that.”

The sound of metal clicking and of fabric rustling reached his ears. Without warning, he felt something press against his cheek. Something warm and soft that had the sweet scent of peach-apricot.

“It’s a start.” Gwen voice whispered into his ear. “And keep your eyes on the road, okay?”

Maybe he never was.