Singleness
Repeat after me: There is NOTHING wrong with being single.
Despite what the media and jewelry companies try to tell you, being single is a perfectly acceptable lifestyle. However, that doesn't stop the ten million kibitzers from asking "Why don't you have a boy/girlfriend/significant other yet?"
The best response to this question is: "None of your business."
Because, you know, it really isn't any of their business why you aren't attached. I know there are some people who are pining away, wanting to get hooked up or to have someone they get associated with. I respect that, and I won't judge you for subscribing to the whole Noah's Ark mentality. The Noah's Ark mentality, by the way, is the idea that everything comes in pairs based on the way Noah saved only two of each animal from the great deluge written in the bible.
Though technically didn't he realize that life cycles and birthrates are different for each animal? Like female Giant Pandas are in heat for just 24 hours every year, and weasels are in heat for only a week. And flies only live up to two weeks.
Wow I went off tangent didn't I?
Anyway, being back to be single and not part of a couple. If you are single not by choice then allow me to say "Try again." Or better yet allow me to ask you "Why" so you can go into a long tyrade about how lousy your guy/girl was/is and how it's all their fault. Little do these people realize that it might not be their ex's doing.
So I've come to the conclusion that whenever a break up happens, both parties are to blame. Did s/he cheat on you? Then it was partly your fault for not seeing the signs early enough in the relationship. It may be hugely his/her fault, but if you turned a blind eye at the signs, well you can't really blame him/her completely for going through with it.
Were you clingy to the point of suffocation? Did you attatch yourself to your partner like a leech and slowly drained him of his energy? Did you make it so that you were his shadow or did you expect her to be your shadow and was disappointed that she was still the strong, healthy individual you first met?
Did you expect s/he'd change when it became the two of you? And if you did, did you even tell them of your expectations? See, it's never completely the other person's fault. We are all responsible for why our situations become the living nightmare or nirvana they are. Fate, luck, destiny, yes, they all have a hand but inevitably we still choose what we do and what we don't do. If you choose to be a wonderful boy/girlfriend, then you will be one. Whether your partner will appreciate you, is another matter.
But of course, not everyone is open to the idea of accepting blame, especially if they're the sort who think they're always right. So save yourself (and potiential significant others) some trouble and come up with a list stating why you wouldn't (or if you're interested would) make a very good girlfriend. And I shall lead by example!
Here are the top 10 reasons why I make a lousy girlfriend:
10. There are more reasons why I make a lousy girlfriend than I have listed. I just haven't figure them out yet.
9. I am weird. Not odd, not interesting, not eccentric. I. Am. Weird. And while some people find weird to be good, I'm nowhere near weird enough to be found interesting but I'm too weird to be considered acceptable.
8. I am passive-aggressive and my weapon of choice is guilt. Do not expect the silent treatment from me, because I like to talk too much. However, that is just the most basic of the passive-aggressive ways of getting back at you. I go out of my way to be especially nice while pretending that I am unaware of your transgressions. If it's something I can't pretend you didn't fuck up (like being three hours late on a date), then I will blog, tell all my friends over coffee and maybe even write to those "Dear Abby" columns how despite having such an inconsiderate, unattentive, insensitive partner I still love you and will ask if there's any way for me to be a better girlfriend.
7. I am constantly in need of assurance that you love me. While I don't expect a text message every ten seconds, I would like to get a little reminder every now and then. It doesn't have to be flowers or chocolates (I prefer chocolates and chips over flowers, FYI) even something as simple as an email or an offline YM message telling me that I am the most important person in your life, or at the very least one of the most important people in your life.
6. Mababaw ang kaligayahan ko. Now, this may sound like a good thing since you don't need to spend lots of money on me to make me happy. Simply holding my hand or hugging me is enough to make me smile and feel all warm inside. The flipside is that I am easily saddened. The slightest thing can make me burst into tears and if you're incapable of handling seeing a girl cry, then run. Just run.
5. I become clingy over time. And that usually leads to paranoia on my part. I will become super suspicious of you and of your activities when we are separated. However, instead of being smart and simply coming out into the open and asking, I shall sneak behind your back, worm your activities into every conversation with your friends and then when you catch me, I shall use the "Because I didn't want you to think badly of me" excuse and promptly bawl my eyes out. Yes, you read correctly, bawl my eyes out. Not sniffle, not whimper, hell, not even cry. I will be noisy, and icky, and basically be everything that will repulse you (and you will be since you are only human).
4. I hate having to ask. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for one of your kabarkada? Or have you ever helped plan a surprise party for your special someone? Have you at least been invited to one? If you answered no to all three, congratulations YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS! But if you've said yes to any of these questions, then you should know that people only throw these parties for someone very special to them. I love arranging get-to-gethers, writing out those silly slambooks, making a collage of special moments for someone's birthday, basically the large, grand-scale, group-collective-effort required gift just because that person is special to me. How many have I gotten? Guess! I'll even give you a hint: it starts with a "z" and ends with an "ero." Now, here's the thing, I would love to have someone throw a surprise party for me, I would love to have someone give me notes written by my friends all compiled in a notebook, I would love to have anything that requires secrecy and a group effort. I just hate asking for it because that tells me I'm not special enough to inspire them to come up with something like that.
3. I have low self-esteem. Which loosely translates to "issues and baggage." And relationships do not survive if someone has issues or baggage. What more if one person had both? Or worse, what if both parties had them? Low self-esteem will breed trust issues, and trust issues will build resentment and resentment will eventually boil over to anger and it will all explode at one point or another. Having low self-esteem makes me hyper-conscious of how I look, how I sound, what impression am I making on my partner's friends and the more conscious I am, the less "me" I am. If that even makes sense...
2. I have a Martyr-complex. I bitch, and whine and mope about how lousy my life is, and yet I don't do anything about it. I believe that I am not living if I am not suffering. And I believe that if I were to give up on this lifestyle that causes me suffering, I've only been wasting my time. I won't ask for help, because of reason 4, so I'm pretty much going to be stuck in my current situation for a good long time.
And the top reason why I will make a lousy girlfriend is:
1. I'm making a list why I make a lousy girlfriend. Enough said.
Despite what the media and jewelry companies try to tell you, being single is a perfectly acceptable lifestyle. However, that doesn't stop the ten million kibitzers from asking "Why don't you have a boy/girlfriend/significant other yet?"
The best response to this question is: "None of your business."
Because, you know, it really isn't any of their business why you aren't attached. I know there are some people who are pining away, wanting to get hooked up or to have someone they get associated with. I respect that, and I won't judge you for subscribing to the whole Noah's Ark mentality. The Noah's Ark mentality, by the way, is the idea that everything comes in pairs based on the way Noah saved only two of each animal from the great deluge written in the bible.
Though technically didn't he realize that life cycles and birthrates are different for each animal? Like female Giant Pandas are in heat for just 24 hours every year, and weasels are in heat for only a week. And flies only live up to two weeks.
Wow I went off tangent didn't I?
Anyway, being back to be single and not part of a couple. If you are single not by choice then allow me to say "Try again." Or better yet allow me to ask you "Why" so you can go into a long tyrade about how lousy your guy/girl was/is and how it's all their fault. Little do these people realize that it might not be their ex's doing.
So I've come to the conclusion that whenever a break up happens, both parties are to blame. Did s/he cheat on you? Then it was partly your fault for not seeing the signs early enough in the relationship. It may be hugely his/her fault, but if you turned a blind eye at the signs, well you can't really blame him/her completely for going through with it.
Were you clingy to the point of suffocation? Did you attatch yourself to your partner like a leech and slowly drained him of his energy? Did you make it so that you were his shadow or did you expect her to be your shadow and was disappointed that she was still the strong, healthy individual you first met?
Did you expect s/he'd change when it became the two of you? And if you did, did you even tell them of your expectations? See, it's never completely the other person's fault. We are all responsible for why our situations become the living nightmare or nirvana they are. Fate, luck, destiny, yes, they all have a hand but inevitably we still choose what we do and what we don't do. If you choose to be a wonderful boy/girlfriend, then you will be one. Whether your partner will appreciate you, is another matter.
But of course, not everyone is open to the idea of accepting blame, especially if they're the sort who think they're always right. So save yourself (and potiential significant others) some trouble and come up with a list stating why you wouldn't (or if you're interested would) make a very good girlfriend. And I shall lead by example!
Here are the top 10 reasons why I make a lousy girlfriend:
10. There are more reasons why I make a lousy girlfriend than I have listed. I just haven't figure them out yet.
9. I am weird. Not odd, not interesting, not eccentric. I. Am. Weird. And while some people find weird to be good, I'm nowhere near weird enough to be found interesting but I'm too weird to be considered acceptable.
8. I am passive-aggressive and my weapon of choice is guilt. Do not expect the silent treatment from me, because I like to talk too much. However, that is just the most basic of the passive-aggressive ways of getting back at you. I go out of my way to be especially nice while pretending that I am unaware of your transgressions. If it's something I can't pretend you didn't fuck up (like being three hours late on a date), then I will blog, tell all my friends over coffee and maybe even write to those "Dear Abby" columns how despite having such an inconsiderate, unattentive, insensitive partner I still love you and will ask if there's any way for me to be a better girlfriend.
7. I am constantly in need of assurance that you love me. While I don't expect a text message every ten seconds, I would like to get a little reminder every now and then. It doesn't have to be flowers or chocolates (I prefer chocolates and chips over flowers, FYI) even something as simple as an email or an offline YM message telling me that I am the most important person in your life, or at the very least one of the most important people in your life.
6. Mababaw ang kaligayahan ko. Now, this may sound like a good thing since you don't need to spend lots of money on me to make me happy. Simply holding my hand or hugging me is enough to make me smile and feel all warm inside. The flipside is that I am easily saddened. The slightest thing can make me burst into tears and if you're incapable of handling seeing a girl cry, then run. Just run.
5. I become clingy over time. And that usually leads to paranoia on my part. I will become super suspicious of you and of your activities when we are separated. However, instead of being smart and simply coming out into the open and asking, I shall sneak behind your back, worm your activities into every conversation with your friends and then when you catch me, I shall use the "Because I didn't want you to think badly of me" excuse and promptly bawl my eyes out. Yes, you read correctly, bawl my eyes out. Not sniffle, not whimper, hell, not even cry. I will be noisy, and icky, and basically be everything that will repulse you (and you will be since you are only human).
4. I hate having to ask. Have you ever thrown a surprise party for one of your kabarkada? Or have you ever helped plan a surprise party for your special someone? Have you at least been invited to one? If you answered no to all three, congratulations YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS! But if you've said yes to any of these questions, then you should know that people only throw these parties for someone very special to them. I love arranging get-to-gethers, writing out those silly slambooks, making a collage of special moments for someone's birthday, basically the large, grand-scale, group-collective-effort required gift just because that person is special to me. How many have I gotten? Guess! I'll even give you a hint: it starts with a "z" and ends with an "ero." Now, here's the thing, I would love to have someone throw a surprise party for me, I would love to have someone give me notes written by my friends all compiled in a notebook, I would love to have anything that requires secrecy and a group effort. I just hate asking for it because that tells me I'm not special enough to inspire them to come up with something like that.
3. I have low self-esteem. Which loosely translates to "issues and baggage." And relationships do not survive if someone has issues or baggage. What more if one person had both? Or worse, what if both parties had them? Low self-esteem will breed trust issues, and trust issues will build resentment and resentment will eventually boil over to anger and it will all explode at one point or another. Having low self-esteem makes me hyper-conscious of how I look, how I sound, what impression am I making on my partner's friends and the more conscious I am, the less "me" I am. If that even makes sense...
2. I have a Martyr-complex. I bitch, and whine and mope about how lousy my life is, and yet I don't do anything about it. I believe that I am not living if I am not suffering. And I believe that if I were to give up on this lifestyle that causes me suffering, I've only been wasting my time. I won't ask for help, because of reason 4, so I'm pretty much going to be stuck in my current situation for a good long time.
And the top reason why I will make a lousy girlfriend is:
1. I'm making a list why I make a lousy girlfriend. Enough said.
posted by Everyone's Uke @ 12:49 PM
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